


Living After Life

by UnmaskedTomatoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/M, I might add other tags later?, M/M, Marco's POV, jeanmarco, lots of dying, reibernie, springles - Freeform, that's the pairing name right, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-19 05:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1457086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnmaskedTomatoes/pseuds/UnmaskedTomatoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These things are absolutely horrifying.</p><p>The zombies, I mean.</p><p>The people who just aren't people anymore.</p><p>They're disgusting, horrifying. They're... they're pitiful.</p><p>Sometimes I can't bring myself to kill them.</p><p>Sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a rocky start I know, but it gets better. In terms of writing I mean.
> 
> I hope you enjoy regardless. ^^
> 
> Edit: ok I added a title we're good sorry about that if anyone saw my draft title XD

I remember the day of the apocalypse clearly. Jean and I were laying in bed, we had just woken up. We were planning on not getting out of bed at all that day, but of course that wasn't happening.

I was pretty confused to hear and see Thomas Wagner, our favorite neighbor, banging on our window. It was too early in the morning for him to be up, so I went over to the window. The first thing I noticed was how sick he looked. His skin was pale and his eyes looked lifeless... I didn't want to open the window. He was so strong though, he managed to completely break the glass.

I was startled and managed to step back on shards of glass to avoid his hands reaching for me. At that point Jean jumped out of bed and to my side. I could feel him tense from the sight of Thomas, who was allowing himself into the window.

My first instinct was to quickly open up the closet behind me and grab the first solid thing I could easily swing, which was a baseball bat Jean never wanted to get rid of even if he did hate baseball. And I walked forward on shaky legs, on shards of glass that cut into my bare feet, and I bashed his head in with the bat.

It was terrifying how easily Thomas's skull was able to crack like that. It was terrifying how much blood sprayed from his head and I wanted to stop but I couldn't, because I was horrified and running on adrenaline.

After he had fallen down to the ground outside, I dropped the bat and took a long moment to calm myself down. I almost fell over too, but Jean was right there behind me.

I cursed and squeezed my eyes shut tight, the sticky crimson fluid on my face feeling heavy as it started to ooze down my skin. I tried to wipe it all away but my hands were so shaky and my arms were almost locked up completely.

"I- I just..." I couldn't speak much more than that. It hurt and it didn't sound right. Jean shushed me anyways and dragged me over away from the glass and went to picking it out. I was exhausted just from that. I wanted to sleep again, or maybe wake up! Maybe it was a dream.

But it wasn't.

After he was done picking out the glass, he went over to the window, careful of the shards on the ground, and peeked out of it.

"Shhhit," he cursed and rushed back to me. "Can you stand?" He asked, not waiting for my response as he went over to the closet.

My feet were numb as I stood, and I was dizzy and shaky. Suddenly the apocalypse survival pack Jean and I had put together as a joke was being thrown at me as well as one of his coats and shoes.

I looked at him, confused, as he put on the pack he made for himself as well as the shoes and one of my coats.

I did the same, and soon he was dragging me outside and into the car.

When I really looked, I could see all my other neighbors - Hannah, Franz, Mina - all roaming around in their pajamas, gargled moans coming faintly from their throats. They were all sickly pale like Thomas, and I could see gross bite marks on different parts of their bodies. One of them was even missing a hand, blood dripping, pouring from it- I didn't look for too long.

Jean started the car wordlessly. I stared at him, my mind coming back to me as I started to realize what was going on. He looked right back at me, frowning, and sighing a shaky sigh. He eventually started driving off, careful not to make a scene, and soon enough we were driving through the roads that were surrounded by forests, leading us out of our tiny town.

I tried to relax. I really tried. But I knew this was real, I knew that whatever made Thomas the way he was killed him before I had even bashed in his head. The apocalypse was happening and I didn't think I would ever see it.

When we were far enough from town and the roads weren't as crazy and winding and making me sick to my stomach, Jean turned to me again. He didn't speak much during the entire thing, and I had a feeling he was thinking a lot. I can always tell when he's thinking.

He wiped off the rest of Thomas's blood from my face with his sleeve, his gaze going back and forth from me to the road.

"Are you okay?" he muttered as he grabbed my hand in hopes of soothing me.

"No," I responded in a whisper. My throat was apparently not ready for me to talk yet.

"I mean, are you hurt?"

"No."

Aside from my feet, which honestly didn't hurt that bad and weren't bleeding all that much, I was fine.

He nodded slowly as he looked back to the road. His grip on my hand tightened, but that was about it.Eventually Jean handed me his phone and had me call Sasha. Of course he would want to call her, after all, they're best friends. So I dialed her number and I wasn't very surprised to hear it ring quite a few times.

"J-Jean?" She sounded out of breath and terrified. I don't blame her.

"Marco," I corrected her, my throat finally deciding to let me talk. "Are you alright?"

"Oh Marco! I'm not too bad off, I mean, I'm just really hungry and I'm scared and... Connie isn't answering his phone, and I'm really hungry..." She ended her ramble by munching on something crunchy.

"What about Connie?" I pressed, and noticed Jean glancing at me and his hand twitching slightly.

"He isn't answering his phone," she repeated after a moment. "I mean, I know he isn't... I know he's okay." She whispered and kept eating.

"Just," I sighed. "Can you gather as much food as possible? We're coming to pick you up." I glanced at Jean, and he nodded.

"Umm... Sure! I'll see you in a bit then!"

And with that, she hung up.

Jean hesitated before speaking. "What's up?"

I explained the gist of what Sasha told me, and Jean's hold on my hand became tighter. He didn't say anymore, and just drove to Sasha's house.

We arrived in almost no time at all, and she came out on to her front porch when she heard us coming. She had a bag full of food in her arms and a loaf of bread in her mouth. She didn't waste any time in hopping into the backseat.

"Alright! We're gonna go grab Connie now right?"

"That's the plan," Jean grumbled and immediately went into reverse. "Any of the undead around here?"

"Not that I could see. Not any I haven't killed, anyways," Sasha said, and I wasn't really surprised. She lived in the middle of nowhere.

We were on the road again in silence, aside from Sasha's munching. It took a while before we made it to Connie's, since he lived so far out. Surprisingly, zombies didn't notice us pull up, but Connie did. He was shooting at them all with a small pistol. I didn't even know he had one.

We didn't have any guns, just the baseball bat I used to kill Thomas and a few small knives. We went to work in (carefully) picking off the remaining zombies to help Connie out, and in return he said he'd grab some more guns he had on him to make things easier on us.

Again, I didn't even know he had firearms.

He hopped into the back seat with Sasha after Jean and I returned to our seats. Sasha had stayed in the car since she didn't have a weapon, which was alright. After all, I didn't want her getting killed.

Although it was easier and easier to kill the undead it still did a number on me. I mean... I was killing people. Sure they were infected with some parasite that killed them first, but, I was bashing in the brains of people I don't know and do know and it's... It's horrible. I hate it. But unfortunately I would have to get used to it.

We were on the road yet again. I didn't know what Jean's plan was, but I knew I could trust him. He was determined and he had his head on straight even when he had to kill people, so of course I would trust him over myself.

There was a lot of traffic in the main city. There were a lot of crashes and the undead jumping at people leaving their cars, and there wasn't much space for us to move. Jean decided he would try to cut through whenever he could, and it took a while and a lot of close calls with the undead, but it worked.

We got out of the city safely, and Sasha had stopped eating because the pressure of it all made her stomach queasy.

I still didn't know what the plan was, even as we drove through the forest. It seemed unsafe, honestly. Wandering through the forest during the apocalypse... But it was the only plan we had, and everyone else who was trying to go the sea route were dying fast.

No one had said a word through everything aside from curses at the close calls and seeing people become infected or eaten. I didn't want to talk because I had no idea what to say, Jean was concentrating on driving, Sasha had her mouth full, and Connie... I'm not sure why Connie wasn't talking. He was just probably shaken up by everything like I was. Like everyone else was.

Soon we came to a stop. I looked at Jean, and he looked ahead, almost in defeat.

"Ran out of gas?" Connie finally spoke up, and Jean nodded. He paused before he looked around the forest, and once he was done he stepped out with his pack.

I can't believe we had made those as a joke, but they were going to save our lives...

I stepped out after scanning my side and grabbed my own pack, and Connie and Sasha followed. We stood there for a minute, looking and listening, before we all grouped in front of the car.

"Anything we can get from it?" I asked and motioned to the vehicle. Sasha raised her hand and went back in to look around in the piece of junk.

"Here, I'll hand out these," Connie said and handed some sort of gun and its respective ammunition to each of us. And Sasha, when she came back with some first aid kits and jackets.

"I wish I had my bow and arrows," she muttered as she handed everything over to Jean.

"I think we should go north," he said instead, his face set. He wasn't going to let anyone deny it.

"How come?"

"It just seems safer," he snapped as he put everything away, and started walking.

We all made small talk as we walked, and kept an ear out for any sounds that weren't us or birds or anything not out of the ordinary.

We walked and walked and walked, and walked, and my feet hurt way too often, I started to worry that they might be bleeding too much. I even checked, and they were pretty bad, but Jean patched them up and they were fine. Still in pain, but not bleeding as bad.

We walked and managed to avoid zombies until it was dark and we started to look for shelter. It was too dark to see when we came upon a building- a barn, in fact. It was abandoned and nothing was around it, but it would have to do. It wasn't well defended though, so we would have to be careful.

It was huge. We all situated ourselves in the safest corner in there, on the opposite side of the dead man we had found. Jean, just to be safe, killed him a bit extra.

Connie volunteered to be up watching first, and then Jean, and then myself, and then Sasha. Nothing happened during the night, except for Sasha hearing a few footsteps, but that was it.

We set out early in the morning, just when Sasha was starting to get tired. She promised not to sleep until she just couldn't take it anymore- but who knows when that would be.

It was about in the afternoon when we heard other voices. Loud voices, loud footsteps. The loudest was male, and the other two were female- at least, I think so.

We stood still and were silent until they approached.

The woman noticed us first and pulled out a gun, but we were quicker and pulled out all of ours. The other two were frozen in place as our groups stared at each other, deciding whether or not they were the enemy.

"Lay down your weapon," Jean had demanded after a minute, and his voice was shaky. The woman complied though, and dropped her weapon to the ground. Jean had hesitated before sheathing his.

"We're not looking for trouble," their group's brunet boy had grumbled, and despite saying that he looked like he was ready for a fight.

The blond... male? Spoke next. "We just want to survive out here."

The woman stayed quiet.

"So do we," Sasha spoke before Jean could get a word out. "Maybe we could team up!"

"Sasha!" Jean growled under his breath, glancing at her quickly in means of scolding her. She shut up after that, and he turned back to them.

"We..." Their blond spoke up after noticing no one else did. "We have supplies, and the bigger our group the better. Maybe it would be more tactical to team up... But..."

"Wait a second," their brunet spoke up, and pointed a finger at Jean. "Aren't you-"

"...No!"

"Yeah, you are! Mikasa, it's the horseface I was talking about!"

Jean growled and clenched his fist. The woman, now with a name, Mikasa, looked at him in whatever shock she could muster up. The rest of us just stood confused.

"If we are gonna team up," I spoke and rested a hand on Jean's shoulder in a silent request for him to calm down. "We should do it now. It's not safe to stay in one spot for too long."

Their blond nodded, and looked to Mikasa and the other brunet.

"If we have no choice," the woman spoke bitterly, and picked up her arms again. "Let's move."

We started walking again, Mikasa every so often glancing to Jean.

"I'm Armin," the blond spoke, and I'm pretty sure that he was a he.

"I'm Eren," the brunet introduced himself. "But of course _Jean_ already knew that."

"Shut the fuck up-"

"Mikasa," the girl introduced herself, just in case we hadn't inferred.

Our group took turns introducing ourselves, but apparently Jean didn't need a reason to.

"So," Sasha spoke first. "You and Eren know each other then?"

Jean and Eren frowned at each other, and a moment of silence followed.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Jean grumbled and crossed his arms, leaning into himself.

"He was just ashamed he was a bad lay," Eren spoke, and that had me furrow my eyebrows and thin my lips and, most of all, press a hand to Jean's back.

"I'm ashamed I stooped so low I laid you, _Jaeger_ ," Jean spat back, and it took Mikasa and I to keep them from going at each other.

We kept on in an unpeaceful silence. Mikasa kept glaring at Jean every so often, same with Eren, but Jean kept his eyes forward. Connie and Sasha chattered behind us. And I was mostly concerned about how Jean never told me he knew Eren or that he had a fling with him in the past, apparently- but it wasn't the main issue right now. I'd let it go.

Again, we kept walking without many zombie encounters, and even when we did come across some, Mikasa would easily rid them with her gun. I was always afraid we'd attract more with the sound, but we haven't yet.

It was dark again when we found shelter. This time we found something more sturdy and more defended, but we still kept people up just in case. Connie watched first, then Armin, then Eren, then Jean, then me, then Mikasa, then Sasha.

Except, Eren didn't keep watch, nor Jean, nor me, nor Mikasa, nor Sasha.

He screamed.

He screamed so loud it woke everyone up but, it was too late.

He was beating off six zombies that had managed to slip under Armin's radar, and he had killed two, but the remaining four ate at him until the dagger he had was on the ground in his pool of blood and tissue and organs.

Eren couldn't move, but Mikasa and Jean picked the four off before anyone else could.

We all rushed to Armin's side. The side that didn't have his insides spilling out of it, I mean.

It was horrible, but god, I just couldn't bring myself to look away. The kid wasn't even infected- he had to be alive for it. The zombies just outright ate him. I know it's bad to say but, it saved us trouble. It saved us the trouble of having to kill him.

But... It was almost unreal.

Eren was holding back his angry screams through his sleeve, and Mikasa was holding up her composure by biting her lip and closing her eyes. Connie and Sasha stayed back at the makeshift beds, but Jean and I stayed. The look of horror on his face, the unnerving look dread in his dead eyes were burned into my memory... And the smell... The feel of blood curling around my fingers and staining them red...

Eren was sobbing at this point. He was biting his hand so hard it was dripping blood and his eyes looked like they would pop from how hard he was squeezing them. It was a long time before he really snapped, before he picked up the closest object and threw it. The object was Armin's knife, and the direction he threw it in happened to be Jean's general direction.

Jean just let out a breathless gasp as the knife stuck right into him- and Eren didn't even feel bad.

I froze up right when I shouldn't have and so many different emotions overcame me- I was furious, most of all, for Eren being so reckless and stabbing Jean out of rage. I was also terrified, because Jean had been stabbed and well, you get terrified when the love of your life gets stabbed. What if he dies? And I was still upset from Armin dying, I wasn't sure what I should do. Stay put? No. Dig out my anger and attack Eren? Help Jean?

I wasn't quick enough though, because Sasha came over with a first aid kit and went to pulling out the knife.

"You ffffucking-!" Jean hissed in pain toward Eren, who was now apparently alright because he wasn't biting anything.

Sasha pulled it the rest of the way out and tossed it on the floor, wasting no time in pressing gauze to the wound. She dumped just enough peroxide on it to not waste any and also to make Jean bite his lip to hold back a howl, and also cling to my arm.

I wasn't sure what to do and it stressed me out. All I could really do was cling to Jean as he clung to me and buried his face in my shoulder as Sasha stitched him up. His whimpers made me whimper too and, I think that if I tried to look at Eren I would stab him right back.

"GgggaahhhdDAMNIT!" Jean screamed when Sasha was done and stepped back. I could tell she knew not to intervene any further.

He tore himself off of me and stood up, a little wobbly. I was going to fall over from the smell of Armin's corpse and from all the emotions swarming through my head- so I left it to him.

"You're so fucking reckless, Jaeger! That was the goddamn knife he used to kill those fucking zombies, you piece of shit! I could be fucking _infected_! God, I hate you I hate you I hate you..."

He kept muttering to himself, and I could see he was starting to break down.

He sat back down, not in the pool of blood, however, and hid himself in his arms. Eren stood up as well, tears staining his cheeks, but other than a quivering lip he looked completely uneffected.

My turn then.

As Mikasa stood up, so did I, and I wasted no time at all. I reeled my fist back and let him fucking have it. I socked him square in the cheek hard enough to knock him over, make the cracking sound echo in the room, and make Jean look up in surprise.

"It isn't our fault, Eren," I spoke lowly. "If you think Jean deserves this, then you might as well also think Armin deserves this."

I quite frankly didn't care what I was saying, because I was pissed.

Mikasa looked outright shocked, as did Eren. No one was reacting for the longest time, and I started to get nervous, my anger washing away.

I didn't see her hand pull back at all, but Mikasa ended up slapping me across the cheek.

"Never, _ever_ , lay a hand on my brother again."

"Mikasa-"

"We're going, Eren."

She gave no time for anyone to speak, grabbing her and Armin's and Eren's things, (including Armin's knife) and went out the door, pulling Eren by the wrist.

Only a second passed before everyone was at Jean's side.

He hugged me immediately, stroking the cheek that was slapped, and buried himself in my shoulder. Sasha and Connie just hovered behind him, watching in concern.

Was Jean really infected?

I bit my lip as I thought of this. If he was infected then... We would have to kill him... I didn't want to think about it. For now, we had to worry about getting out of here. If there were six zombies ganging up on Armin, there had to be more. Besides, Jean yelling might have attracted more.

There was barely light outside, but it soon became easier and easier to see as the night turned into early morning. Jean was still in a lot of pain but there were no signs of him being infected. That was good at least.

Those two nights were... They made me a complete mess. How was I going to survive the rest of the years I manage to be alive? If I can't handle killing one zombie, how am I going to handle killing an entire horde like in the movies? And... how am I going to keep my sanity if Jean is infected and we have to kill him?

I don't think about it. I try not to, I mean. But sometimes, it's just you and your thoughts when you're traveling along, and there's no escape when thinking is the only thing that won't kill you.


	2. Chapter 2

How long had it been since Armin died... A week?

It had been a week since Armin died and Mikasa and Eren left our group. We were short on supplies and looking for a place to stay, as usual. This time we found a really nice place, and it looked uninhabited. I had a feeling that this time we wouldn't need anyone to stay up as a guard, so we could all get a good sleep.

I needed to check things out though, so I left Jean, Connie, and Sasha outside as I let myself in. It was really nice. Abandoned, but nice. There were even supplies left over too.

I didn't decide to take them yet, at least, not until I inspected further.

I didn't get very far though. As soon as I stepped into another room there was something cold and hard against the back of my head. I didn't need to turn around to know it was a gun.

I froze up in fear, and even when I heard a female voice I didn't relax any.

"Don't try anything funny."

She pushed me through the room and jerked me into an adjacent one, where there were two males seated on a nice looking sofa.

The woman sat me down in an uncomfortable, cramped corner after she removed my pack, the distant thump signaling that she flung it across the room, and then I was facing her. The gun was still pointed at me, even when she turned to look at one of the males. One looked nervous and the other just shrugged.

"What do you want?" She questioned quietly, and I didn't waste time in responding. She didn't look like we would hesitate to pull the trigger.

"W-we just want a place to stay."

We?

Nice going Marco. I mentally slapped myself.

"And how many is we?" She asked again. I paused. It was too late to take it back, and she was leaning closer and closer. I never thought being at gunpoint would be this terrifying, honestly.

"J-just the four of us..." Was I telling her too much?

Her eyebrows raised. "Four, huh."

There was a silence, a long, long silence, before the woman turned to look at the males again. One shook his head, one shrugged again.

The woman just rolled her eyes and walked out of the room at a rather fast pace, leaving me alone with the two others on the sofa.

Neither of them looked at me or spoke to me, but I wasn't going to risk trying to run all the way across the room and grab my pack.

Not too long after she had walked out, the blonde woman came back with Jean, Connie, and Sasha, and set them all down around next to me. Again, she had me and them at gunpoint.

"And shelter is all you want?"

The four of us eagerly nodded.

She looked back to the two on the couch. One made some motions with his hands, and the other shrugged, once again.

The woman sighed and motioned for a group huddle, her gun and gaze still trained on us through it all. Even if we were silent we couldn't understand much. It sounded like they were speaking another language, but I wasn't sure.

Finally they all parted, and the three were staring at all of us. Somewhat surprisingly, the woman lowered her arm to sheathe her weapon.

"Don't try to pull anything, and we'll let you stay tonight only. Deal?"

We all nodded vigorously. When I thanked her, she shrugged it off and placed herself in between the men on the couch.

We all took it as a cue to stand up, but where to place ourselves, we weren't sure. Before things got too awkward, though, one of the males on the couch spoke up, the brunet.

"We-we found some juice, would you like some?"

As soon as Sasha heard this she perked up, and that was answer enough. With a smile, the brunet, the incredibly tall, lanky brunet, made his way over to a cooler to pull out a half empty jug of juice. I briefly wondered how much supplies these guys had, and how long they were staying here for.

The guy offered juice to all of us, but the only one who declined was Jean. I had a feeling I should have declined as well, but for some reason, I felt like I could trust this guy.

And the juice was both delicious and refreshing. It wasn't dangerous in any way, either. Not immediately after drinking it, not a few minutes later, and not even days after.

Until we went to sleep in a spare room of the building, we got to know the trio a bit more. The short, blonde woman was named Annie, the tall, lanky brunet was Bertholdt, and the muscular blond was named Reiner.

Annie didn't talk much, neither did Bertholdt. At least, not as much as Reiner. He had quite a few interesting things to say, and he was pretty funny. He made me forget for just a moment we were even in an apocalypse.

Soon enough we all went to sleep. Except for Annie, of course. And honestly, she looked very sad, and very lonely. I felt like I needed to talk to her. I had a feeling in my gut it might do me good.

She was sitting in front of the only window she could remotely see out of on a chair by the front door. The sliver of moonlight shone on her face through the planks, and, honestly, if I had time, that would be a scene I'd add to one of my sketchbooks. If she'd let me, that is.

I faltered before I grabbed a seat to sit beside her. She didn't even flinch, just kept looking on. I was quiet for a long time until I thought I should speak up.

"You looked lonely," I started, my voice quiet and gentle, and breaking through Connie's gradually increasing volume of snoring.

Annie didn't do much but shuffle in her seat a bit. Her arms moved up to rest on the back of her seat, which was in front of her, and she leaned forward to rest her chin on them. I waited for a bit to see if she would talk. When she didn't, I continued.

"So, what's your story?" I prompted. Honestly, Annie seemed interesting. I wanted to know more about her. Of course, I didn't want to push her or bother her, but I wanted to be her friend. We could help each other out through this. If our groups joined up, I mean. Maybe I could convince them.

"It's not too different from yours, probably," she started after a long while, her eyes closing before she spoke again. "Zombies happened. Bert and Reiner were the only two I could save from my town."

I nodded understandingly, and she turned to me.

"You don't look like you'd make it one minute in the apocalypse. How did you survive this far?"

I was taken aback a bit, but I guess I should have expected her to be cold. I didn't show any real shock and answered truthfully.

"I've been pretty lucky this far, I guess." I scratched my head. "Jean's also a really good leader, if it weren't for him we wouldn't be here."

Annie just looked me over as I tried to smile, but around her it felt awkward.

"It will be worse," she muttered and turned back to the window. "Expect to die, is all I'm saying."

I looked down to my lap and let the silence overcome us, until I figured it would be okay to talk again.

"How come you trusted us? To stay, I mean-"

"I didn't. I don't." She cut me off, and looked at me again. "I would have sent you on your way, or even killed you, if Bertholdt didn't feel like you were trustworthy enough."

My eyes widened in surprise. Bertholdt?

"He knows when people are good and when people are trouble," she muttered, her tone calming as she turned to the window. "If he says we should let someone stay, we let them stay. No arguments."

Wow, I thought. I did notice that the brunet seemed jittery and nervous all the time, and I felt like maybe he found it hard to trust people. But for him to take one look at us and treat us like he knew us since forever? The feeling, was, well, actually pretty great.

Annie and I didn't talk much more after that. We just mentioned how we were getting along in the apocalypse so far, and I even got her to tell me a few details about her trip from the big city to this run down town.

Bertholdt was her neighbor and Reiner lived not too far down the street from the two of them, so she managed to save them from the zombies that came full force to the city. Jinae was nothing when compared to how many of the walking dead there were in Stohess.

She had some other friends too, but they lived too far away. I could tell she regret not being able to save them, but at the same time she's thankful she could pull her two best friends out of it.

When I mentioned Jinae, though, she perked up just a little bit.

"I... Have a friend who moved there. Her name's Mina. Carolina."

I froze.

I couldn't stop the apologetic look from coming across my face even if I tried.

Annie didn't look too affected by my expression though. I'm sure she expected it. She just sunk back down into her seat and shifted a bit so she could get more comfortable.

After a few more words, we decided to sleep. I did, anyways. Annie didn't look like she was going to sleep any time soon, so I went ahead and found the room everyone was sleeping in, and I placed myself in Jean's outstretched arms. I fell right to sleep.

-

I woke up later than everyone else, but Jean kept me in his lap.

It made my neck sore and my body ache which was not pleasant in any way, but what made it all better was opening my eyes and seeing him look so peaceful as he listened to Connie and Sasha argue over some food. And, also, to have his legs as a warm pillow.

I almost went back to sleep, but that wouldn't help my achings any. So I slowly lifted myself from Jean's lap, stretching along the way, until I was seated next to him. My neck would hurt for a while.

He scooted closer to me as much as he could and took a hold of my hand. It was his silent greeting, the greeting he gave me when he couldn't talk because he had a lot on his mind, and might break down if he tried to say anything.

I just tilted my head to rest it on his without making my neck worse as a response, and for a long time we sat like that. In silence.

I almost dozed off again, but before I could, Jean got up. I nearly whined at the loss of my warmth and sort of bumpy and boney pillow, but he was back soon enough with some bread. He split it in half and gave one side to me.

We stayed sitting like that for a long, long while, just eating bread and drinking some of the juice Bertholdt found, when he realized I was awake.

Eventually it was time for us to go. We packed up quickly and Annie even let me take a few of their extra supplies. Mostly first aid things, which I was grateful for- after all, Jean still had the knife wound.

I was sure to exclude that part of any story I told anyone in the trio. I didn't want them to worry.

The good thing at least was, Jean was still the same. The wound was healing very nicely, it was just a big scar that would open up sometimes if he moved around too much, but he hadn't shown any signs of turning.

I stalled a bit to thank them, and dropped hints that they could join us if they wanted. They politely declined though, and soon we were walking towards the door.

Until Sasha screamed, and ran right back inside.

Her shrieks are ear piercing, it sure got our attention. We were outside in a heartbeat.

All of us froze for a moment, and suddenly Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were a flurry in and out of the house in panic. Our group, however, was stuck on the front porch, staring at the approaching zombie horde. That is what I was afraid of most. I felt my stomach drop and I was terrified I wouldn't end up making it.

Jean eventually pulled me away by the arm, and soon we were running, hoping none of the zombies were following.

I looked back to see Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner following us with Sasha and Connie in tow. It seemed like we made too much noise or we weren't quick enough to leave, since there were a few zombies after us.

I gulped and turned back around to face front when I saw Annie take out a pistol and start shooting to fend off any undead that got too close.

Jean was still holding painfully tight to my arm, dragging me on and almost causing me to fall on my face a few times, but I wasn't worried about him enough to ask him to let go.

We ran until we reached another building. It wasn't like the other though, in the respect that it was just a disguise for a big cellar. We could hide there until the horde passed.

I was the first one in and Jean was the last as he let everyone in. The cellar was slightly cramped with so many people in it at a time, but we managed. Besides, Bertholdt's pretty warm. It would make things better in the long run.

I cringed when the arm of a zombie was smashed and cracked in two when Jean slammed and locked the door. He kicked the limb to a distant corner of the room, and then returned to my side. I could tell he was happy to take a breather. Hopefully his wound hadn't opened.

I looked around, mentally doing a head count.

...Were we missing someone?

There wasn't just 6 of us out of our entire group, and I knew that.

Maybe if I counted again-

"...A-Annie?" I could hear Bertholdt squeak. I looked up to see his expression through the dim lighting of the cellar, and it almost broke my heart. He looked absolutely distraught, and even if it was dark I could see tears in his eyes.

"Annie...!" He repeated and looked down around him, reaching for the door, but Reiner stopped him.

"R-Reiner, Annie-"

"I know, Bert. Calm down and think about it. You know how tough Annie is, she won't just die on us. Worst case scenario, she got separated from us. We'll find her soon, alright?"

Reiner's short speech made Bertholdt nod and stumble back a bit, his head hung and his lip quivering.

We were all silent for a long time, the air tense with worry as Bertholdt sniffled. I knew that Annie wouldn't just die like that. Honestly, if we were able to make it, so was she, right?

Every so often we checked to see if the horde had passed. Each time, whoever was checking would get a zombie in their face. So we waited for at least a few hours.

Jean and I sat next to each other, trying to preserve body heat since Bertholdt didn't want to get too close to anyone at the moment, besides Reiner. Sasha and Connie looked around the cellar for supplies or food, but found nothing but old bread.

I almost fell asleep against Jean when we decided we'd stealth out.

It was dark and cold, and not too many zombies were nearby. We'd just have to try and avoid the horde.

I'm sure Bertholdt was more intent on finding Annie than reaching his ultimate goal, but I don't blame him, nor Reiner. If we lost Sasha or Connie, or even Jean, I would do the same.

She's also one of our best chances for survival.

Sometimes I wonder- what am I surviving for?

But I stick around to find out anyways, because I know that Connie still had Jean's faith in humanity on his shirt, and his own faith was heavy a burden enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I win all the awards for creating the best endings ever
> 
> *whispers* _I have a tumblr here's a link_  
>  unmasked-tomatoes.tumblr.com  
>  _you can ask me questions about the fic there if you want or I mean you can just talk to me in general there too yeah fun_  
>  I hope you liked this chapter, at least things calmed down! ^^


	3. Chapter 3

It only took a few hours of stealth before we came upon a big, abandoned town.

I didn't trust it one bit. It had no one in it, not even the zombies, and no supplies, as far as we could see. There seemed to be makeshift defenses put up and an electric fence- we shouldn't have gone in. But it was the only way we were going to avoid zombies, according to Jean.

We were all silent, listening to our shoes crunch against the gravelly pavement, waiting for something to happen. All we heard was the wind.

As we kept going I felt waves of uneasiness come over me. I'm sure Sasha felt me tense and glance over in worry. I wanted to dismiss her with a wave of my hand, but the feeling was too strong.

It was too quiet.

I stopped, and in result, so did Sasha. Connie noticed too and stopped walking immediately, causing Reiner to crash into him and for Bertholdt and Jean to look back in confusion.

No one questioned any of us though, besides a few quizzical glances from Reiner and Connie- after he had picked himself up when Reiner bumped into him.

"I- I have a real bad feeling. We should turn back," I said quietly, glancing around the place. I hated it.

"We're almost there," Jean brushed me off with a frown, and I could feel my heart sink.

"Almost where?"

Jean growled at me. "Out of here. Come on, you want to leave or not?"

I sighed and kept going onwards, and we were off again.

Not for long though.

Gunshots ringing through the air stopped us-

Same with Connie's odd squeaking, and Sasha's scream.

The first thing I saw when I looked at Connie on the ground and Sasha kneeling next to him was blood. Lots and lots of blood, but, everything was going by so fast I didn't know whose it was. Could it have been mine?

I didn't feel pain. Connie was bleeding wasn't he? 

Or Sasha?

I tried my best to process everything as Bertholdt grabbed my wrist and ran after Jean, who was carrying Connie. Connie.

Connie was hit? Connie got shot.

Bertholdt just about dragged me through the town, and I'm not joking when I say I almost scraped my knees on the pavement.

Connie was over with squeaking and now he was howling, and Sasha was screaming for him to shut up even as she cried and tripped and ran. Things still weren't processing for me.

Soon enough Bertholdt had halted to a stop and I almost fell on my face, my vision blurred as I tried to make out the new figure holding a gun to our faces.

The person got Connie again in the leg- and he and Sasha both screamed, and Jean dropped him.

I wanted to do something but-

I just couldn't move.

Even as Jean cursed and bent down to get out the first aid kit, ignoring the obvious threat holding a gun right up to his nose, I couldn't move or think or speak. I was in the back, I could have probably snuck out my gun and shot them.

But I was weak and a coward, and I couldn't.

And I'm mad at myself for it, I always will be.

Another gunshot nailed Connie through the head, and immediately Jean stopped. Sasha's breath had caught in her throat when she tried to scream and she was just standing there, gaping, at the now lifeless Connie.

Everyone was frozen, even the figure, who I thought now might be a woman, since my tears were running down my cheeks and clearing my vision.

So many emotions bubbled up inside me. Anger, not only at the woman but myself, sadness, that Connie was gone....

I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't stand there but I couldn't move.

Jean shot up, ready to fight her, but the barrel of her gun was pressed right up against his forehead.

All I could think was _please not Jean. Please not Jean, not another one. Please._

Instead, she threw him down and knocked him out with the gun, and did the same for each of us- too quick for us to react.

-

I blinked my eyes open to a bright light, and blue eyes at a distant crack in what looked like a door. They were oddly innocent and bright, and unfamiliar. I didn't know these eyes.

I blinked away some more blurriness as I looked around subtly, taking in my surroundings. It looked like a warehouse. There were supplies everywhere and comfortable looking makeshift beds. There were really nice things in here, but I had a feeling they weren't for us.

I looked from the walls to my side, where I could feel the warmness of Bertholdt's sleeping body radiating into me. And finally, I looked back to the eyes.

They were still staring at me, somewhat afraid now. I tried to make some sort of expression to tell them I was safe but, I couldn't muster up a very good one.

The eyes turned away momentarily, and then turned back- but with another pair joining them.

Those ones looked familiar.

They looked barely innocent at all- they looked like all sanity was drained from them. They looked cold and hard and dry, and familiar. I didn't look for long.

Soon enough the eyes had a body, as the female figure from before I was knocked out showed up. I could see her a bit more clearly, and I barely got to take in tousled brown hair, freckles, and a stern face before a sharp pain in my gut left me gasping for breath. She had kicked me.

I looked up at her, taking in deep breaths as she left a long pause in between her second kick, the third one taking less time. The fourth and fifth were closer together, and every one after that made it hard for me to catch my breath in time to prepare.

Eventually she stopped and I was groaning and hissing and gasping, curled up on the floor in ropes connected to chains in the wall. I was sure I was bleeding too but, I couldn't be certain.

She kneeled down close to my face and brought me up from my hair. When I whined she brought my face down into my knee- I heard a nice loud crack emit from somewhere in my face and there was no question something broke.

"Listen up, I'm only going to say this once," she hissed, her voice deep and quiet and intimidating. "I'm going to take all of your shit, and you're going to leave. And you're never ever going to come back, and you're not going to struggle. Understand?"

I didn't respond for a while, and it made her eyebrows visibly twitch.

"Then again... Your group could do without another... She's pretty loud, isn't she? Might attract some zombies-"

"N-no," I wheezed out in protest, throat scratchy and voice wavering from all of the pain I was in.

She stared at me for a long, long time. It almost seemed like she was considering killing Sasha or not as she stared back and forth from me to her. She came to a decision eventually though and dropped me back to the ground. She turned to leave, but turned right back, swung her foot behind her, and landed one final kick to my stomach that made me gag and gargle out a groan and choke on a metallic taste in my mouth and gasp for breath all at the same time.

I almost wish she had done some sort of evil laugh- but there was nothing.

My eyes were squeezed shut, but I did hear a soft voice coming from the other side of door.

"Ymir, please-" it sounded like a little girl, and not like the woman that had just kicked me at all. She wouldn't be able to make that voice if she tried anyways.

"Please what? I told you what would happen," the woman's voice retorted rudely, and there wasn't a long pause.

"I know but, please, at least leave them _something_ -"

"Not a fucking chance."

The silence was somewhat long, and I heard just the faintest of smacking noises.

"Please."

There was a sigh.

"Whatever. Make sure there's enough for us."

"There's already enough-!"

" _Historia._ "

Another sigh, and after a little while the door opened again and a smaller body emerged. It was the owner of the innocent blue eyes I saw, and I wasn't surprised to see the rest of her. Her hair was long, blonde, and made her look like an angel. I had a feeling she was much, much older than she looked.

She tried to offer me a smile, a sad, apologetic smile, as she went over to a corner of the room. I followed her with my blurry gaze and saw she was opening up our packs.

She took out quite a few things and held them all in her lap. Soon enough she came back over to me and dropped them all in front of me.

"I wish I could leave more, but Ymir would get angry at me," she whispered, coming close to my face. "This should be enough to keep you on your feet. Good luck...."

She paused for a moment before she kissed my forehead, went back over to our packs, took them all on her shoulders, and heaved them out the door.

I lifted myself up on shaky arms and legs the best I was able, wincing and slightly groaning in pain. I looked over everything she left us- food, first aid, and even some weapons. I knew she wasn't a bad girl from the minute I saw her eyes. She was just in the wrong crowd.

She even left a tiny bag big enough to hold everything she left.

It was awfully generous of her, especially in times like this and with a woman who was ruthless and cruel enough to kill one of our friends, one of our innocent friends we all loved- Ymir was her name right? I couldn't help but smile a small smile, even if it did hurt and even if Connie was still on my mind.

I slowly turned to the body next to me. Bertholdt was shaking and his lips and eyes were quivering. I gently nudged his side to wake him up, and his eyes peeked open.

"...Is it safe?"

I nodded. "Were you awake this whole time?"

He was silent for a minute.

"Y-yeah, I was..."

I sighed quietly and turned to the rope around my wrists. Bertholdt just stared at me, as hopeless as I was. There was a moment of silence and very little movement until he turned to nudge Sasha. She awoke with a snort and soon enough as events came flooding back to her, her face scrunched up as she tried not to cry.

She took a long long time to sob and Bertholdt and I could only stare. We weren't sure how to comfort her or if we should even try, but eventually she turned to Reiner and shook him awake.

Reiner seemed to already be awake (his eyes were just very squinty so no one had noticed) and went to waking Jean up right away.

He jumped at the sudden bump to his shoulder and he immediately frowned when his mind registered Sasha's faint sobbing.

I couldn't get a good look at his face but I knew he was trying not to cry either.

"Jean," I called to him softly. "Your knife is still with you, right?"

He looked slightly startled when he heard my voice, but he relaxed and nodded as he reached into his back pocket for his knife the best he was able with bound hands. A minute or so later and his arms were free, and he began to work on Reiner's, then Sasha's (who wrapped herself around his legs as soon as she was free), then Bertholdt, and finally myself.

He stood in front of me as I gathered our very little supplies into the bag the girl (Historia?) left for us. Even when I was done and tried to stand up he stood in front of me and helped out a little bit, and even when I stood in front of him and hunched over from the immense pain I was feeling, he stood in front of me too and made the most pathetic expression I've ever seen him wear.

"You okay?" He mumbled, glancing at my arms clutching my stomach. I nodded and another silence ensued, until he meekly came forward to wrap his arms around me, after wiping some blood off of my face with a gentle thumb.

I didn't push him away- not like I was even going to in the first place. I hugged him back with one arm, the other still on my abdomen.

We didn't have much time for embracing. After all, that Ymir girl told us we'd have to leave and never come back, and it's not like we wanted to stay. When I saw Reiner lift himself out of a window on the wall behind Jean, I pulled away from the hug to go join him.

Jean at least held my hand and stayed close to my side, trying to hold in his tears and brush off his sniffles as a cold. I didn't push him any further because I knew that if I did, he would break down, and of course, I would feel so damn guilty.

Reiner helped a still sobbing Sasha through, and Bertholdt hit his head on the top of the window as he was going through, which made him a bit dizzy.

I let Jean go next, and I looked behind me before I allowed myself out to smile at Historia's blue eyes watching us from the door like she had done before, and they smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry don't kill me
> 
> This is a zombie AU what do you expect
> 
> I'm also sorry for the upcoming chapters and if you can convince me not to kill who I'm gonna kill next then well hey good for you
> 
> ~~someone needs to stop me~~


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